Transition

Nature has given us a gentle reminder that all good things must come to an end. This summer has been one of my all time favorites filled with good friends, family, and fun. The days now are getting shorter, the air has cooled, and the light has begun to take on the golden glow of late summer. It all reflects the turning of our earth away from the sun and our journey inwards towards the more reflective time of the year. If I believed in heaven I would imagine it to be a constant summer land. This time of the year would be more like purgatory. Since I am a self professed birth nerd, I think of this time in labor terms. This is transition: fast, intense, sometimes I feel like I may be sick, I am happy and sad, and right on the other side of this is the birth of something great.

For our family, the last few weeks have been a little disorienting. Caillean says she often feels like she doesn't have emotions. There's too much to feel and often it is conflicting. We are all so excited for her to start her journey and experience a new culture. I am deeply going to miss her and end up crying out of the blue thinking about her time away from the family and me. But we are eager for her to start her trip. It is going to be amazing and a spring board for what comes next in her life and because right now we don't even know how to maximize our time with her. Honestly, we make her sit with us at night even if she is just reading a book so that we are sure to not miss any time that she is here. I have watched her sleep on the beach and listened to her stories about pop culture that I don't really know about just to hear her voice. We talk a little about the future and we cheer her on (and pep talk ourselves) every day. I don't want to wish the time away but feel the shift towards her next step and it does have a certain golden glow to it.

The last week has been filled with a flurry of packing and repacking. Caillean is generally prepared and is only lacking a few things- like tickets. This has caused a little stress (understatement) but I keep reminding myself that they come from a well run organization and we live on an island so they are late. We have learned who Caillean's host family is. She will be living with another American girl around her age from Massachusetts and an Omani family. We received a picture of her new family and their home. When I thought about this information coming to us, I thought I would burst into tears when I saw her new mom and dad but oddly, I found it comforting. I can now picture where she is going to live. I know she will have her own room and another American to share her life in Oman with, she will have younger siblings, and everyone except the youngest child speaks English. Having a few pictures of the family and information about why they want to host and what they like to do as a family is a great relief and unexpected comfort to me. This knowledge lets me relax a little bit about what comes next.

I can't help but think how absolutely amazing it is that life changes so quickly and right before our eyes. This little girl of mine was home schooled only 3 short years ago and in a few days we will be putting her on a plane and sending her half way around the world. Her journey will begin on Saturday with a flight from here to DC. There she will meet her chaperone and the other girls headed to Oman. They will fly from DC to Zurich and then onto the capital of Oman, Muscat where the real adventure begins. When I thought about this moment 6 months ago and talked to Greg about this day, I burst into uncontrollable crying. Really, I have to put my girl on a plane and wave goodbye? Ugh, I remember feeling like I was going to be sick. Now, I feel a little more at peace with this idea. I can't guarantee I will not cry on Saturday but I know this is the first step my daughter is taking independently.

People tell me I am brave. I don't know if that's the way I look at it.  I keep reminding myself  that my goal as a mother is to raise my children with roots and wings. I want them to know themselves and be true to who they are while experiencing life and constantly broadening their understanding. I am sure this experience will do all of that. As the mother, it is another moment of letting go and letting my child grow up. Again the birth nerd in me reminds me it is like weaning. A time comes when your child is ready for the next thing and it may not be all about you. There is a certain freedom in that and a little sorrow that your baby is growing up and you are not the center of all of their love. My role is shifting and it is bittersweet.

I look forward not so much to the intensity of the next few days: the packing, the last minute collecting of the last few things, dropping my daughter off and knowing I won't see her until June 2014, or hearing the home sickness or stress in her voice once she is in Oman. But I know this time is brief. I know that once she gets settled in she will thrive. She will learn Arabic which has been a dream of hers since she was little and will gain a greater understanding of herself and others. This transition will allow for the birth of a greater and more compassionate young lady and I will grow in my understanding of the world  and ultimately be  more grateful mother. I cannot wait to hear stories of her success and prepare for the amazing moments ahead. And really, even though every season has its beauty, I can't wait for it to be summer again.