Call me maybe aka Keeping in touch

I have been fortunate to have some incredible support during this time in my life. My friends and family have all gone out of their way to reach out. Their thoughtfulness has made this time far less lonely than it could have been. I am also so happy that my daughter is traveling during a time when technology has made it far easier to keep in touch than it would have been even a handful of years ago. That said, navigating the technology to keep in touch has been like learning a new language. There are so many packages, rates, ways around things, and new ways to do things that it has taken sometimes hours a day just to figure out a new way to communicate with my daughter half way around the world. When I spoke to Caillean yesterday, her friend asked me to blog about how we have been able to keep in touch because she hasn't been able to make contact with her parents nearly as often as we have been able to contact Caillean so though I am sure there will be a bit of the warm fuzzy material here, it will address more of the logistics to keeping in touch.

Having a teenage daughter who has a phone with the ability to use the internet, we were all too familiar with her going way over her data plan and needless to say we were more than hesitant to send her internationally with the ability to rack up massive charges. However, we felt like we had to contact her once and a while and were not comfortable with sending her that far away and having only google chat and email to connect with her. So, where do we begin sorting out logistics? 

When Caillean was accepted into the YES abroad program the supporting organization sent us a very thorough handbook of sorts explaining some of the options for communicating. Options like jail-breaking your phone which sounds cool but really limits what your phone can do, buying an internationally calling card which come to find out doesn't always work well with some cell phone carriers because you end up being billed by your cell phone carrier  and the calling card, and information like Skype has been blocked in Oman were laid out. So we started with calling our cell phone provider AT&T to find out what our options are. 

I have spent hours and hours on the phone with AT&T because not only is there the issue of international calling but also data usage for things like international texting and internet use that we needed to figure out. The first thing we did was have our daughter post and text all of her friends outlining the ways they could get in touch with her- ie don't call and don't text me or my parents will go broke. We have learned we would be billed for her listening to her voice mails, responding to texts, opening pictures sent by text (that's a doozy), and using the internet when not on WiFi with the additional international fees.  So far, that has worked. Her friends haven't done any of the aforementioned things (thank you!) and Caillean has kept her phone on airplane mode which has limited using it when it is off of Wifi. That alone should prevent the massive data usage that was driving us nuts when she was in the US. 

The next step has been to download and install on my phone, my husband's phone, and Caillean's phone an app called Whatsapp. This allows us to text via Wifi. If she isn't in a place with Wifi, it stores the message and she can retrieve it once Wifi is available. Her home doesn't have Wifi yet, hence no blog posts, but the Amideast center does. So far they have been at the Amideast center at least once a day around 4pm local time in Oman. That turns out to be around 9am here. We Whatsapp text her and find out if and when to call and once she responds we call her Amideast issued cell phone.

Then there is the how to call question. Let's just say it has been an evolution. First we added an internationally calling package to her line from AT&T. This allows her to call us for a reduced rate of $1.19 a minute. Not exactly a bargain but cheaper than no package. But, it doesn't allow us to call her for a reduced rate, that's another option to buy. So for an additional $3.99 a line, Greg and I can call her for the reduced rate. All of our calls to her have been to her Amideast issued cell phone because it reduces the fees. Whew. 

Then came Skype. Video Skype calls do not work in Oman. For video chatting where you can actually see your child you have to use google chat for which you need a google account. Google chat is free and easy but again, you need a wifi connection on both ends and a computer and for us that is only when Caillean is at the Amideast center. Calling internationally on Skype is an option and so far it seems to be the cheapest way to go. For a $19.99 monthly charge per Skype account (not phone) Greg and I both installed the Skype app on our phones and use that to call the Amideast issued cell phone. That rate is only $.19 a minute and since we are calling her, she doesn't accumulate international fees. We need a wifi connection or if you have an unlimited data use package on your cell phone and can use 3G, (the 3G option is in theory as we haven't use that yet) you can use Skype to call. 

She texts her local Omani friends on her Amideast cell phone just like she would in the US. Since it is essentially local texting, there are no additional fees to us. She texts us on her US cell phone using Whatsapp.  Now, we are thinking about suspending Caillean's US iphone cell phone line. That will save us the phone line charge and essentially hold her cell phone number for her until she returns to the US and we turn the line back on. That means we will also take the international calling package off her cell phone line next month and save us that package charge of $60. It will protect her from accumulating voice mail messages and texts but still allow us to contact her via Whatsapp since we will leave the data package on. That's the plan to be confirmed later today. Is your head spinning yet?

Keeping in touch with my daughter who is living in the future (they are 8 hours ahead of us) has been key in keeping us connected and calm. It has afforded us the ability to touch base every day and  hear her voice. Hearing her stories and the excitement in her voice has made us all so much more comfortable with the distance between us. We feel like we are learning along side of her so much about Oman and the warm people that have welcomed her. For other parents with children abroad I understand keeping in touch has been hard. Please feel free to friend me on Facebook or email me. I am happy to share what I have learned and make it a little less lonely being far away from our kids. This information may change as I learn more about technology and using it to keep in touch so feel free to share what you have learned and I will do the same.

Take a deep breath and dive in.

Well folks, this is it. The last full day my daughter is in the US is here. Tomorrow morning at 8:30am she takes off, alone, for her next adventure. 

YES abroad students serve as “youth ambassadors” of the United States, promoting mutual understanding by forming lasting relationships with their host families and communities. Caillean will come back to the US in June and teach about her experience and what the culture of Oman looks like. Before this program, I couldn't have even found Oman on a map. Now I am excited for my daughter's experiences and thinking about her return is what keeps me moving forward on days like today.

I can not even begin to express what I am feeling. Needless to say there is an impending separation and accompanying sadness. That feeling has become so familiar that I am almost numb to it. (I did say almost.) There is a sweetness in having spent a great summer together and the bitter realization that this time is winding down. There is deep gratitude for my husband and his unwavering support. Gratitude for my family members and friends that have gone out of their way to show Caillean support. Caillean and I often comment on how cool it is to walk into a place and have someone who we thought was a complete stranger walk up and wish her luck. The local  N Magazine, (pg 33)  was kind enough to feature her this month as was Gene Mahon and Kristen Kellogg who put together this video about her travels. http://vimeo.com/72548757. My dear friend Dionne and sister in law Tracy helped me pull together a fantastic going away party. Another dear friend emailed me last night to let me know she was thinking of us and was here if we needed anything. The support of this community has been genuine and comforting. It has meant so much to all of us. I have learned from others about separation and know that we are not the only people who miss their children when they go off into the world. 

As Greg said to me last night, we have done our job. We have provided our girl with all that we could have. We have nurtured her nature and now she takes flight. I know she will soar high and her bright and compassionate self will bring great happiness to all who are around her. We have told Caillean that this day is like the moment you prepare to dive through a wave. You know you will come out the other side and that it may be shockingly cold but you commit, hold your breath, and jump in. When you come out the other side you are still you but you have experienced the ocean. You will be wet and your hair may be a mess but the experience you have you cannot have any other way. You just have to jump in. You may even enjoy it and want to do it again and again.  Now's the time for Caillean to know, you can't control the tide but you can learn to ride the waves. 

Please keep Caillean in your thoughts, prayers, and hearts. She is a remarkable young lady about to do something I couldn't even fathom at her age. Follow her blog and cheer her on. Know that children are a gift, and they do grow up, quickly. And never under estimate the importance of our connections to one another. We can offer others such comfort in genuine actions and kind words. 

Transition

Nature has given us a gentle reminder that all good things must come to an end. This summer has been one of my all time favorites filled with good friends, family, and fun. The days now are getting shorter, the air has cooled, and the light has begun to take on the golden glow of late summer. It all reflects the turning of our earth away from the sun and our journey inwards towards the more reflective time of the year. If I believed in heaven I would imagine it to be a constant summer land. This time of the year would be more like purgatory. Since I am a self professed birth nerd, I think of this time in labor terms. This is transition: fast, intense, sometimes I feel like I may be sick, I am happy and sad, and right on the other side of this is the birth of something great.

For our family, the last few weeks have been a little disorienting. Caillean says she often feels like she doesn't have emotions. There's too much to feel and often it is conflicting. We are all so excited for her to start her journey and experience a new culture. I am deeply going to miss her and end up crying out of the blue thinking about her time away from the family and me. But we are eager for her to start her trip. It is going to be amazing and a spring board for what comes next in her life and because right now we don't even know how to maximize our time with her. Honestly, we make her sit with us at night even if she is just reading a book so that we are sure to not miss any time that she is here. I have watched her sleep on the beach and listened to her stories about pop culture that I don't really know about just to hear her voice. We talk a little about the future and we cheer her on (and pep talk ourselves) every day. I don't want to wish the time away but feel the shift towards her next step and it does have a certain golden glow to it.

The last week has been filled with a flurry of packing and repacking. Caillean is generally prepared and is only lacking a few things- like tickets. This has caused a little stress (understatement) but I keep reminding myself that they come from a well run organization and we live on an island so they are late. We have learned who Caillean's host family is. She will be living with another American girl around her age from Massachusetts and an Omani family. We received a picture of her new family and their home. When I thought about this information coming to us, I thought I would burst into tears when I saw her new mom and dad but oddly, I found it comforting. I can now picture where she is going to live. I know she will have her own room and another American to share her life in Oman with, she will have younger siblings, and everyone except the youngest child speaks English. Having a few pictures of the family and information about why they want to host and what they like to do as a family is a great relief and unexpected comfort to me. This knowledge lets me relax a little bit about what comes next.

I can't help but think how absolutely amazing it is that life changes so quickly and right before our eyes. This little girl of mine was home schooled only 3 short years ago and in a few days we will be putting her on a plane and sending her half way around the world. Her journey will begin on Saturday with a flight from here to DC. There she will meet her chaperone and the other girls headed to Oman. They will fly from DC to Zurich and then onto the capital of Oman, Muscat where the real adventure begins. When I thought about this moment 6 months ago and talked to Greg about this day, I burst into uncontrollable crying. Really, I have to put my girl on a plane and wave goodbye? Ugh, I remember feeling like I was going to be sick. Now, I feel a little more at peace with this idea. I can't guarantee I will not cry on Saturday but I know this is the first step my daughter is taking independently.

People tell me I am brave. I don't know if that's the way I look at it.  I keep reminding myself  that my goal as a mother is to raise my children with roots and wings. I want them to know themselves and be true to who they are while experiencing life and constantly broadening their understanding. I am sure this experience will do all of that. As the mother, it is another moment of letting go and letting my child grow up. Again the birth nerd in me reminds me it is like weaning. A time comes when your child is ready for the next thing and it may not be all about you. There is a certain freedom in that and a little sorrow that your baby is growing up and you are not the center of all of their love. My role is shifting and it is bittersweet.

I look forward not so much to the intensity of the next few days: the packing, the last minute collecting of the last few things, dropping my daughter off and knowing I won't see her until June 2014, or hearing the home sickness or stress in her voice once she is in Oman. But I know this time is brief. I know that once she gets settled in she will thrive. She will learn Arabic which has been a dream of hers since she was little and will gain a greater understanding of herself and others. This transition will allow for the birth of a greater and more compassionate young lady and I will grow in my understanding of the world  and ultimately be  more grateful mother. I cannot wait to hear stories of her success and prepare for the amazing moments ahead. And really, even though every season has its beauty, I can't wait for it to be summer again.

Savoring the days

Time has passed since the last blog entry. I am not sure why I haven't written. It really isn't for lack of things to write about. There has been a flurry of activity, everything from the end of the school year and finals, to the slower pace of summer, to the excitement of summer trips and guests. This summer has been one of my favorites in many years. Perhaps it is the sweetness of having my dear daughter home and engaged with the family. Maybe it is the lack of pressure I personally feel without having been on call for a birth all summer and not having to dash out the door to go to work in the evenings. I am sure it is that coupled with the best visit I have had with my parents probably ever and my kids have been perfect, enjoying each other and the time they had with their grandparents and friends in a way I have never witnessed before. It has been a summer that has made my heart swell with love for my children, my husband, my extended family, and friends in a way that makes the lump in my throat grow as I type the letters of this note. There is a sweetness to it all that has been unlike any other. I have seen my daughter tender and brave, emboldened and somber, play like a child and speak like an adult. Caillean leaves for Oman in a handful of days. We have an official count but I can't focus on it too much because the days feel like sand running through my fingers, warm and peaceful but fleeting. This isn't going to be easy.

This summer my daughter and I have enjoyed days on the beach: watching the surf roll in, resting in the sun, talking about the past year and the year to come, and swimming in the waves. We have also taken a heavy bag class together affectionately known as the kick your butt class. We have laughed at our selves in our stinky boxing gloves and sweat harder than we thought we ever could have. I watched her fire rise in this class, the fire of overcoming fear and the doubt that creeps in when you know you are going to work hard and it will hurt but you're unsure if you can really do it well. We have ridden our bikes and eaten ice cream, planned a party, and started a fundraiser. We haven't trained for our mile swim or triathlon but have promised each other we will while we are separated for the year. We have both stopped, mid-sentence and hugged each other. And, we have cried.

I am in such amazement at the courage my daughter has to go after something knowing it is the right thing to do but not really thinking about the millions of ways she could have talked her self out of it. It am warmed and encouraged at the true compassion in her soul that has driven her to understand that which has been misunderstood or completely unknown to our family and our society. I am in awe of the grace she has at such a young age to navigate the words spoken to her out of fear and general concern. And I am so grateful to spend my life with her learning from her and being the support system to buoy  her.

Her upcoming trip to Oman will be life changing, that is for certain. For her, for me, for our family, and for her future it is the right thing to do. Will it be easy? No way. Honestly, I am hoping to busy myself with my son, my husband, my schooling and working until the time she comes back from Oman. The thought of her coming off the plane back from Oman and the feeling of holding her in my arms again and smelling the top of her head like I did when she was a baby is what I am looking forward to most of all. The stories of understanding she will return with, the experiences she will have had, the triumph of having done something so large at such a young age, and the person she will be nine months from now is the vision that keeps me going during these summer days. I can't count the days, all I can do now is savor them.