Mama said there would be days like this

Today was just one of those days. I was so happy that Caillean called me this morning! I was out when I saw the call came in. I decided to run my errands later and head home to call her  over Skype. We hadn't spoken in over a week so I was thrilled and ready for a long friendly conversation. I called and she answered but it wasn't at all what I was expecting. Her voice was barely audible through the tears. 

Now the life of a foreign exchange student is a challenge. There is no denying that. Anyone that thinks it will be a vacation or that you won't have to worry about your child every moment doesn't have a clear view of what parenting a teen from a far looks like. It's so hard to help a child navigate all the issues that arise and to do it with a nine hour time difference and no ability to just look your kid in the eyes it really hard. This call made me cry. I felt helpless from thousands of miles away to do much of anything. All that I could do was give her the space to cry and talk through what was going on. It isn't anything she won't overcome but when she told me she was fantasized about how life would be if she was at home, with her family and friends near by and how much easier it would all be, it rattled me. It was the closest she had ever come to saying she wanted to come home. By the end of our hour long conversation she had worked through the immediate want to come home but it spoke to an even greater picture of just what it is like living away from home, in a foreign culture when you are only 15. 

There are so many things we take for granted when raising our children in the relative safety and comfort that we enjoy on Nantucket. Having down time to just read a book, or go to you room, or go for a walk are some of simple comforts we are afforded. Feeling confident that when you leave home you will understand what is being said and understanding your place in the family, in your school, and in your community are all invisible comforts. Caillean kept saying all that she wanted was to just pause everything for a bit and rest without falling behind. She wanted to not have to work so hard every minute that she was awake. She wanted friends to be at ease around, the ability to communicate effectively and easily, and a chance to reap successes but instead is facing continued work with exams looming on the horizon. I repressed every urge I had to say, "that's life honey" because when you're 15, life hasn't been like that yet. The innocence of childhood is beginning to wash away. The vision of what's ahead is becoming more and more clear. It's not going to be easy and isn't always exciting but it's not all going to be hard and without rewards or even a break either. The joke with her has been that college will be an absolute piece of cake because at least it is all taught in English and there are no scorpions in your bathroom. 

This year has been a challenge. And it will continue to be. What it is showing Caillean is the path towards growing up and getting a true sense of who she is. The reality that life is hard work has become more than just words. She feels it now down into her bones. The maturity of being able to know that and continue moving forward is really almost staggering. I keep reminding myself she is only 15. That's so young! She is learning lessons that many don't seem to really get until much later in life  and some don't get at all. The reality is that once you know this just just have to dig in and do what needs to be done. There's support but really it's you. Procrastinating  just makes the work harder. You control the way you approach the day, the effort and joy you put into your work, and the rewards of having done this hard work are all yours too. I just think about the fact that she signed up to speak in Arabic in front of her school on Thursday and recite something she writes from memory. Some kids won't even do that in their native language but Caillean isn't afraid of the challenge. She will do the hard work. I just hope she remembers that even if her Arabic isn't perfect that she is accomplishing so much. And in the words of Robert Frost and my insightful daughter, "Life Goes On." Tomorrow's another day and today will then be your success.