The Libra in me post- it's all about balance.

Please, this is Caillean in Oman-Oman!

It's seems hard to believe in some ways and in other ways I am so happy to say it. It's been a month now that Caillean has been in Oman. What a difference a month makes. No longer are my days long and filled with warmth and sun, sand in my fingers, and my daughter by my side. No longer am I anticipating her departure, packing, worrying, and sad. The hardest thing that I have done to date (putting my baby on the plane and walking away) is over. Now I am trying hard to step back and enjoy the ride. It hasn't been easy as I miss her presence everyday but the tears have long dried up and been replaced with the stories of life in Oman and the sound of Arabic from her lips. There have been the typical difficulties that come along with being 15 and living far away from home. Learning to navigate school and friendships, being respectful yet still able to communicate clearly needs and wants, and the typical plight of the 15 year old- adult in so many ways but a child in so many other ways, are all challenges. Caillean is navigating it all with incredible grace. The hardest part is patience: patience to not know how to do it all, patience to develop relationships, and patience to not be a master of the situation.

I have to remember that at times as well. Patience is not my strong suit. I like to check things off my to do list, complete tasks before moving to the next, and generally feel in control. Having my daughter travel half way around the world was never on any of my to do lists. Caillean just dropped it on there 5 months ago. I was patient with the application process, and the interviews, but found my patience ran out once the letter of acceptance came in the mail. I had to learn a whole new way of living once we starting planning for Caillean's junior year of high school abroad. Patience can be hard but for me it has  the balance of being patience and also being active that has been the hardest to learn.  We still have to get done what needs to be done but in a time frame that is very different that parenting in the day to day. I don't know why it has been so hard. I have been practicing parenting for 15 years! When my children were little, the focus was really on the day to day. Has the child nursed 8-12 times today, has she slept through the night, was what she ate this week healthy and complete, did she learn to crawl, walk, use the potty, talk, say please and thank you, her letters, to read, to think for herself, to make healthy choices? Over time the focus changes and the vision becomes broader. My role as a parent changed and became less the role of the provider of the moment to moment needs and more of support and guidance for the big vision. I feel like I still have my training wheels on when it comes to the big picture. My husband on the other hand, seems to have taken the figurative road bike out and is riding circles around the island before looping back and finding me a few inches from where I started. He has been incredibly gifted at supporting our daughter from over 7000 miles away. Call after call he offers her just the right advise with the perfect balance of listening and direction. I must say I am just the smallest bit jealous of his ease with this role but really I am more flabbergasted at how he has found such ease in this new role. Caillean turns to him over and over again and together they work on a solution. I am more of the teddy bear in this relationship. I am familiar and warm and comforting but often feel like my head is full of stuffing. I haven't perfected this new role as mom of a older and wiser kid. I just hope that I can keep up- patience grasshopper.

 As you can see from Caillean's blog www.nantuckettooman.wordpress.com she has been experiencing some wonderful things. You can also tell from her new format and frequency of her posts this week that the wifi issue is working itself out. Her latest post goes on to tell us that learning Arabic is coming along nicely as well. Being able to read Cinderella isn't exactly fluent but not bad for only one month into it. I thought a month into this I would be checking the first month off my list and happy to watch the months tick off until her return. Maybe her return is  just too far off in the future to feel excited about it. I think  though it's more that I feel like she is just starting to hit her stride with living abroad. The pieces are coming together and the vision of what is coming in the months ahead is a little more clear. My ease at being a parent from so far away is becoming more familiar. I still feel like the I have my training wheels on but I am steady.  My role has shifted. I am the behind the scenes logistics, telecommunication navigator, preparation for college applications falls into my column, and still the teddy bear. However, the emptiness I initially felt when Caillean left is not as loud as it was. I have come to learn patience in action, the sound of Arabic, and how to be a parent of a child that is almost an adult and always an inspiring individual and humbling teacher to me. And that's only in the first month. Imagine what lies ahead. 

In her own words

I know everyone has been interested to hear from Caillean. The thing of it all is that we were very hopeful that her blog would be up and running by now but have come to find out she has very limited access to wifi. Pray to any and all of the wifi powers to be that this will change soon. She did write us an email this past week and I have asked her if I could forward it to you all to keep you up to date. So here it is, in her own words....

Now that I am on “holiday”, as the weekend is called here in Oman, I finally have enough time to write something. So much has happened and I have been so busy that unfortunately I haven’t had time to journal or write anything. Between getting to know my host family, exploring Oman, and AMIDEAST orientations, I have only had time to sleep. So far, Oman has been amazing. It is so much better than I could have ever imagined, and I truly love every aspect (except for maybe the heat). Omani people are so kind and hospitable, ready to include me in their family.

I began travelling on August 24 at 8:32 in the morning with a flight to Providence, RI. The night before I left was very difficult; I didn’t get much sleep and, frankly, I was an emotional mess. It was so overwhelming to think that the time had come for me to actually leave my home, my family, and everything I knew for an entire nine months. Once I arrived at the airport, some of my excitement returned. Nonetheless, hugging my family goodbye was the hardest thing I have ever done.

Once I arrived in Dulles at about 11 in the morning, I had calmed down a little and was more excited than sad. Still, when I called my father to tell him that I had arrived safely in Dulles, I started crying. I don’t think that I can identify how I felt at the moment; too many emotions were racing through me to correctly identify how I felt. After many conflicting directions, I finally found my gate and sat down to read while I waited to meet up with Cara, YES-Abroad Oman’s travel chaperone. Mae, another Oman-bound YES-Abroad student, arrived at the gate at about 12:45, and we went to grab lunch and talk. Talking with Mae was extremely helpful to process emotions and feed my excitement and enthusiasm. Soon after, most of the other girls arrived. As the others got lunch, Mae, Davan, and I played a card game with a very friendly group of Japanese exchange students headed to study at an American university in the Midwest and waited for two other girls and Cara to arrive.  We finally were all at the gate about an hour before the plane was scheduled to board, and played cards and talked. We were all extremely excited yet a bit nervous to begin such an extraordinary adventure.   We embarked on our eight-hour flight too excited to sleep; I only got a half hour of sleep on the way to Zurich. We arrived in Zurich at about 7:30am local time, or about 1:30am Nantucket time. The first flight was uneventful; I watched a confusing movie and attempted to sleep while sitting in uncomfortable airplane seats and listening to Justin Timberlake. After eight virtually sleepless hours, we stumbled off the plane in Zurich, bleary-eyed yet even more excited than we had been in Dulles. 

We had five-hour layover in Zurich, where we bought amazingly delicious Swiss chocolate and bottled water with Swiss Francs, explored the airport, and played Truth or Imitation (an airport-friendly version of Truth or Dare). Boarding the plane for Dubai-Muscat at 12:45 on August 25 was without doubt the most exhilarating experience of my life. The next time we set foot on the solid ground we would be in Oman. Despite having been travelling through innumerable time zones for about 24 hours on a half hour of sleep, most of us were too excited to sleep. I managed to get an hour of sleep on our way to Dubai, and woke up just in time to see the largest skyscraper in Dubai from the sky. Most of the plane’s passengers got off in Dubai, and then it was off to Oman! I tried to get more sleep, to no avail, and watched yet another on-demand movie (at least this time it made sense and didn’t have subtitles). We arrived in Oman at about 11:30 at night local time, retrieved our bags, and made our way to the hotel for a very interesting late-night dinner and, finally, a full night’s sleep in a real bed. I have never appreciated beds as much as I did in that moment; the bed was uncomfortable and hard, and the sheets were tucked in (my biggest pet peeve!), but it was a bed nonetheless. After more than 36 hours of travelling, any bed was welcome. 

Aug. 26

The next morning, we woke up early and headed to the first of many orientations at AMIDEAST. After our orientations, which included an incredibly helpful mini crash course in Arabic, and a delicious traditional Omani lunch at Al Maida Omani Restaurant, we left to meet our host families for dinner, and to the return to our new homes with them. When Talya, my housemate, and I entered the room, we immediately saw our host father H with our sisters T and R. Both girls were extremely shy and didn’t say a word to us throughout the dinner, which initially really worried me. However, once we got in the car to go to our house, they really opened up and wouldn’t stop talking about anything and everything. I now feel very close to both of them, and enjoy spending as much time as possible talking to them. Host mother M and brother were waiting for us at home. Our host brother is 2 and a half years old, so M was at home putting him to bed and therefore wasn’t able to attend the dinner. However, we were warmly greeted upon arriving home, and quickly set off to explore the house and unpack. 

Aug. 27

Then next day we ate showered, dressed, and ate traditional Omani breakfast before being picked up by Mohammed, our bus driver, and being brought to AMIDEAST. Following a long day of uniform fittings, orientations, and school visits, we retuned home for dinner and bed. 

Aug. 28

The next day, however, was incredible. The long-awaited time when we would explore the city had come! First, we visited the Grand Mosque. The mosque was privately funded by the Sultan and took over six years to construct. Many of the materials were outsourced from numerous countries around the world, and the mosque set two world records. For years, its main prayer hall’s carpet was the largest in the world; however, it has since been surpassed by that of a mosque built in Dubai or Abu Dhabi. The mosque’s German-made, eight-ton chandelier, also located in the main prayer hall, still holds the record of largest chandelier in the world. The mosque’s sheer scale was incredible. Following the mosque, we went by tour bus to Bait Al Zubair, or the Zubair family’s personal museum, which contains Omani artifacts and is open to the public. Next, we travelled to one of the Sultan’s numerous palaces, located in Muttrah to take pictures and admire the scenery. Muttrah and the Sultan’s palace are located adjacent to the sea, or bahr in Arabic, and the view is beautiful. The bay is full of both the Sultan’s yachts and traditional Omani fishing and transporting boats, called dhows. Not even a ten-minute bus ride from the Sultan’s palace is the Muttrah sooq. A sooq is a traditional Omani open-air marketplace. Innumerable venders were selling their wares in cramped shops- pashminas, perfumes, abayas, dishdashas, cosmetics, and many other types of goods were for sale, often for less than the market price. An AMIDEAST employee, Jesse, explained to me that, at the sooq, price is relative. A good may be priced as two rials, but when you go to pay the vendor, he may sell it to you for one rial, five hundred baisa. Following the sooq, we walked to a nearby restaurant for lunch, and then retuned to AMIDEAST, where we had free time to communicate with our families back home or rest. We then headed to a restaurant with Mohammed, who spoke Arabic to us the entire bus ride as we attempted to reply in our very broken Arabic. Following dinner, we returned to our homes and fell into bed soon after. 

Aug. 29

The next day was a light day. We were picked up at our respective homes by Mohammed in the morning, and went to City Centre See, a large mall located in See, a part of Muscat, and then went to AMIDEAST to retrieve our uniforms and quickly returned home. That night, M’s sister A and her children came over to talk and meet Talya and I. A’s daughter N is almost 13, and the three of us got along very well. A told us all about her family and we talked with N for hours. The next morning was holiday, so we stayed up late talking. The next morning we woke up late and had breakfast, then headed out with H, T, and R to visit some places. First up was the affluent part of our town. We saw the golf course and marveled at the enormous houses under construction. Next we drove to Shatti Al Qurm, or Qurm Beach. I can now say that I have waded in the waters of the Gulf of Oman! R, T, Talya, and I played in the water, took pictures, got sandy, and collected shells. I told R and T that my brother back home used to enjoy creating a human chain by holding hands, then jumping over waves as they broke on the shore. This game was a big hit with the girls, and we played in the water for over a half an hour. The water was warm, yet still refreshingly cool in comparison to the sweltering sun shining down on us. After we retuned to the car, wet and sandy with hands full of seashells, H drove us past the Ministries and Embassies of the Omani government. It was strange to see the American embassy housed in a traditional-looking Omani building. We then went to Sultan, a hypermarket –“The best place ever”, according to T – where we bought food for the barbecue we were planning on having that evening for dinner. Upon returning home, Talya and I helped M and maid K prepare for lunch and dinner. Aunt A and cousin N, along with our great-aunt and her daughter, visited us. Our great-aunt and her daughter soon left, but Aunt A and N stayed for dinner. N, Talya, and I helped H, T, and R barbecue the meat and talked. We discovered that N and I shared likes, and talked until all the meat was cooked. 

Aug. 30

Today we spent a leisurely day full of messes made by our host brother and went to the bathhouses with Munira, an AMIDEAST employee. There we sweated so much we would’ve lost five pounds, had it not been for the rice we eat with two out of every three meals. I am trying to minimize my rice intake by leaving a little food left on the plate when I want to be done. In Oman, if you clear all the food off of your plate, the host takes this to mean that you are still hungry and will serve you more food. Omanis seem to take many things to mean that one is not eat sufficient amounts of food- everything from stomach aches to headaches to tiredness all point to malnutrition. After we walked home and I had a very cold shower and changed into cooler clothing, we played and read magazines and books for hours. Later this evening we went to a pharmacy to get migraine medicine for M, and falafel and chicken shuarma for dinner. However, we also stopped at one of the numerous village tailors to get T and R’s uniforms for school and ended up spending hours at a friend’s house and even eating dinner there.  I played with the kids for a little bit after we arrived home, and am now writing this in bed, with my pajamas on. Both the AC and the windows are completely open and the fan is on as well. 

I apologize for the horrible grammar and probably unnecessary detail of this letter- it started out as a blog post and later I realized that its over 2,000-word word-count is too substantial for a blog post. Also, it is a bit boring. (personally, I don't think it's boring at all!-Sunny)

Lots of love all the way from Oman!

Caillean

Call me maybe aka Keeping in touch

I have been fortunate to have some incredible support during this time in my life. My friends and family have all gone out of their way to reach out. Their thoughtfulness has made this time far less lonely than it could have been. I am also so happy that my daughter is traveling during a time when technology has made it far easier to keep in touch than it would have been even a handful of years ago. That said, navigating the technology to keep in touch has been like learning a new language. There are so many packages, rates, ways around things, and new ways to do things that it has taken sometimes hours a day just to figure out a new way to communicate with my daughter half way around the world. When I spoke to Caillean yesterday, her friend asked me to blog about how we have been able to keep in touch because she hasn't been able to make contact with her parents nearly as often as we have been able to contact Caillean so though I am sure there will be a bit of the warm fuzzy material here, it will address more of the logistics to keeping in touch.

Having a teenage daughter who has a phone with the ability to use the internet, we were all too familiar with her going way over her data plan and needless to say we were more than hesitant to send her internationally with the ability to rack up massive charges. However, we felt like we had to contact her once and a while and were not comfortable with sending her that far away and having only google chat and email to connect with her. So, where do we begin sorting out logistics? 

When Caillean was accepted into the YES abroad program the supporting organization sent us a very thorough handbook of sorts explaining some of the options for communicating. Options like jail-breaking your phone which sounds cool but really limits what your phone can do, buying an internationally calling card which come to find out doesn't always work well with some cell phone carriers because you end up being billed by your cell phone carrier  and the calling card, and information like Skype has been blocked in Oman were laid out. So we started with calling our cell phone provider AT&T to find out what our options are. 

I have spent hours and hours on the phone with AT&T because not only is there the issue of international calling but also data usage for things like international texting and internet use that we needed to figure out. The first thing we did was have our daughter post and text all of her friends outlining the ways they could get in touch with her- ie don't call and don't text me or my parents will go broke. We have learned we would be billed for her listening to her voice mails, responding to texts, opening pictures sent by text (that's a doozy), and using the internet when not on WiFi with the additional international fees.  So far, that has worked. Her friends haven't done any of the aforementioned things (thank you!) and Caillean has kept her phone on airplane mode which has limited using it when it is off of Wifi. That alone should prevent the massive data usage that was driving us nuts when she was in the US. 

The next step has been to download and install on my phone, my husband's phone, and Caillean's phone an app called Whatsapp. This allows us to text via Wifi. If she isn't in a place with Wifi, it stores the message and she can retrieve it once Wifi is available. Her home doesn't have Wifi yet, hence no blog posts, but the Amideast center does. So far they have been at the Amideast center at least once a day around 4pm local time in Oman. That turns out to be around 9am here. We Whatsapp text her and find out if and when to call and once she responds we call her Amideast issued cell phone.

Then there is the how to call question. Let's just say it has been an evolution. First we added an internationally calling package to her line from AT&T. This allows her to call us for a reduced rate of $1.19 a minute. Not exactly a bargain but cheaper than no package. But, it doesn't allow us to call her for a reduced rate, that's another option to buy. So for an additional $3.99 a line, Greg and I can call her for the reduced rate. All of our calls to her have been to her Amideast issued cell phone because it reduces the fees. Whew. 

Then came Skype. Video Skype calls do not work in Oman. For video chatting where you can actually see your child you have to use google chat for which you need a google account. Google chat is free and easy but again, you need a wifi connection on both ends and a computer and for us that is only when Caillean is at the Amideast center. Calling internationally on Skype is an option and so far it seems to be the cheapest way to go. For a $19.99 monthly charge per Skype account (not phone) Greg and I both installed the Skype app on our phones and use that to call the Amideast issued cell phone. That rate is only $.19 a minute and since we are calling her, she doesn't accumulate international fees. We need a wifi connection or if you have an unlimited data use package on your cell phone and can use 3G, (the 3G option is in theory as we haven't use that yet) you can use Skype to call. 

She texts her local Omani friends on her Amideast cell phone just like she would in the US. Since it is essentially local texting, there are no additional fees to us. She texts us on her US cell phone using Whatsapp.  Now, we are thinking about suspending Caillean's US iphone cell phone line. That will save us the phone line charge and essentially hold her cell phone number for her until she returns to the US and we turn the line back on. That means we will also take the international calling package off her cell phone line next month and save us that package charge of $60. It will protect her from accumulating voice mail messages and texts but still allow us to contact her via Whatsapp since we will leave the data package on. That's the plan to be confirmed later today. Is your head spinning yet?

Keeping in touch with my daughter who is living in the future (they are 8 hours ahead of us) has been key in keeping us connected and calm. It has afforded us the ability to touch base every day and  hear her voice. Hearing her stories and the excitement in her voice has made us all so much more comfortable with the distance between us. We feel like we are learning along side of her so much about Oman and the warm people that have welcomed her. For other parents with children abroad I understand keeping in touch has been hard. Please feel free to friend me on Facebook or email me. I am happy to share what I have learned and make it a little less lonely being far away from our kids. This information may change as I learn more about technology and using it to keep in touch so feel free to share what you have learned and I will do the same.

Take a deep breath and dive in.

Well folks, this is it. The last full day my daughter is in the US is here. Tomorrow morning at 8:30am she takes off, alone, for her next adventure. 

YES abroad students serve as “youth ambassadors” of the United States, promoting mutual understanding by forming lasting relationships with their host families and communities. Caillean will come back to the US in June and teach about her experience and what the culture of Oman looks like. Before this program, I couldn't have even found Oman on a map. Now I am excited for my daughter's experiences and thinking about her return is what keeps me moving forward on days like today.

I can not even begin to express what I am feeling. Needless to say there is an impending separation and accompanying sadness. That feeling has become so familiar that I am almost numb to it. (I did say almost.) There is a sweetness in having spent a great summer together and the bitter realization that this time is winding down. There is deep gratitude for my husband and his unwavering support. Gratitude for my family members and friends that have gone out of their way to show Caillean support. Caillean and I often comment on how cool it is to walk into a place and have someone who we thought was a complete stranger walk up and wish her luck. The local  N Magazine, (pg 33)  was kind enough to feature her this month as was Gene Mahon and Kristen Kellogg who put together this video about her travels. http://vimeo.com/72548757. My dear friend Dionne and sister in law Tracy helped me pull together a fantastic going away party. Another dear friend emailed me last night to let me know she was thinking of us and was here if we needed anything. The support of this community has been genuine and comforting. It has meant so much to all of us. I have learned from others about separation and know that we are not the only people who miss their children when they go off into the world. 

As Greg said to me last night, we have done our job. We have provided our girl with all that we could have. We have nurtured her nature and now she takes flight. I know she will soar high and her bright and compassionate self will bring great happiness to all who are around her. We have told Caillean that this day is like the moment you prepare to dive through a wave. You know you will come out the other side and that it may be shockingly cold but you commit, hold your breath, and jump in. When you come out the other side you are still you but you have experienced the ocean. You will be wet and your hair may be a mess but the experience you have you cannot have any other way. You just have to jump in. You may even enjoy it and want to do it again and again.  Now's the time for Caillean to know, you can't control the tide but you can learn to ride the waves. 

Please keep Caillean in your thoughts, prayers, and hearts. She is a remarkable young lady about to do something I couldn't even fathom at her age. Follow her blog and cheer her on. Know that children are a gift, and they do grow up, quickly. And never under estimate the importance of our connections to one another. We can offer others such comfort in genuine actions and kind words. 

Transition

Nature has given us a gentle reminder that all good things must come to an end. This summer has been one of my all time favorites filled with good friends, family, and fun. The days now are getting shorter, the air has cooled, and the light has begun to take on the golden glow of late summer. It all reflects the turning of our earth away from the sun and our journey inwards towards the more reflective time of the year. If I believed in heaven I would imagine it to be a constant summer land. This time of the year would be more like purgatory. Since I am a self professed birth nerd, I think of this time in labor terms. This is transition: fast, intense, sometimes I feel like I may be sick, I am happy and sad, and right on the other side of this is the birth of something great.

For our family, the last few weeks have been a little disorienting. Caillean says she often feels like she doesn't have emotions. There's too much to feel and often it is conflicting. We are all so excited for her to start her journey and experience a new culture. I am deeply going to miss her and end up crying out of the blue thinking about her time away from the family and me. But we are eager for her to start her trip. It is going to be amazing and a spring board for what comes next in her life and because right now we don't even know how to maximize our time with her. Honestly, we make her sit with us at night even if she is just reading a book so that we are sure to not miss any time that she is here. I have watched her sleep on the beach and listened to her stories about pop culture that I don't really know about just to hear her voice. We talk a little about the future and we cheer her on (and pep talk ourselves) every day. I don't want to wish the time away but feel the shift towards her next step and it does have a certain golden glow to it.

The last week has been filled with a flurry of packing and repacking. Caillean is generally prepared and is only lacking a few things- like tickets. This has caused a little stress (understatement) but I keep reminding myself that they come from a well run organization and we live on an island so they are late. We have learned who Caillean's host family is. She will be living with another American girl around her age from Massachusetts and an Omani family. We received a picture of her new family and their home. When I thought about this information coming to us, I thought I would burst into tears when I saw her new mom and dad but oddly, I found it comforting. I can now picture where she is going to live. I know she will have her own room and another American to share her life in Oman with, she will have younger siblings, and everyone except the youngest child speaks English. Having a few pictures of the family and information about why they want to host and what they like to do as a family is a great relief and unexpected comfort to me. This knowledge lets me relax a little bit about what comes next.

I can't help but think how absolutely amazing it is that life changes so quickly and right before our eyes. This little girl of mine was home schooled only 3 short years ago and in a few days we will be putting her on a plane and sending her half way around the world. Her journey will begin on Saturday with a flight from here to DC. There she will meet her chaperone and the other girls headed to Oman. They will fly from DC to Zurich and then onto the capital of Oman, Muscat where the real adventure begins. When I thought about this moment 6 months ago and talked to Greg about this day, I burst into uncontrollable crying. Really, I have to put my girl on a plane and wave goodbye? Ugh, I remember feeling like I was going to be sick. Now, I feel a little more at peace with this idea. I can't guarantee I will not cry on Saturday but I know this is the first step my daughter is taking independently.

People tell me I am brave. I don't know if that's the way I look at it.  I keep reminding myself  that my goal as a mother is to raise my children with roots and wings. I want them to know themselves and be true to who they are while experiencing life and constantly broadening their understanding. I am sure this experience will do all of that. As the mother, it is another moment of letting go and letting my child grow up. Again the birth nerd in me reminds me it is like weaning. A time comes when your child is ready for the next thing and it may not be all about you. There is a certain freedom in that and a little sorrow that your baby is growing up and you are not the center of all of their love. My role is shifting and it is bittersweet.

I look forward not so much to the intensity of the next few days: the packing, the last minute collecting of the last few things, dropping my daughter off and knowing I won't see her until June 2014, or hearing the home sickness or stress in her voice once she is in Oman. But I know this time is brief. I know that once she gets settled in she will thrive. She will learn Arabic which has been a dream of hers since she was little and will gain a greater understanding of herself and others. This transition will allow for the birth of a greater and more compassionate young lady and I will grow in my understanding of the world  and ultimately be  more grateful mother. I cannot wait to hear stories of her success and prepare for the amazing moments ahead. And really, even though every season has its beauty, I can't wait for it to be summer again.

Savoring the days

Time has passed since the last blog entry. I am not sure why I haven't written. It really isn't for lack of things to write about. There has been a flurry of activity, everything from the end of the school year and finals, to the slower pace of summer, to the excitement of summer trips and guests. This summer has been one of my favorites in many years. Perhaps it is the sweetness of having my dear daughter home and engaged with the family. Maybe it is the lack of pressure I personally feel without having been on call for a birth all summer and not having to dash out the door to go to work in the evenings. I am sure it is that coupled with the best visit I have had with my parents probably ever and my kids have been perfect, enjoying each other and the time they had with their grandparents and friends in a way I have never witnessed before. It has been a summer that has made my heart swell with love for my children, my husband, my extended family, and friends in a way that makes the lump in my throat grow as I type the letters of this note. There is a sweetness to it all that has been unlike any other. I have seen my daughter tender and brave, emboldened and somber, play like a child and speak like an adult. Caillean leaves for Oman in a handful of days. We have an official count but I can't focus on it too much because the days feel like sand running through my fingers, warm and peaceful but fleeting. This isn't going to be easy.

This summer my daughter and I have enjoyed days on the beach: watching the surf roll in, resting in the sun, talking about the past year and the year to come, and swimming in the waves. We have also taken a heavy bag class together affectionately known as the kick your butt class. We have laughed at our selves in our stinky boxing gloves and sweat harder than we thought we ever could have. I watched her fire rise in this class, the fire of overcoming fear and the doubt that creeps in when you know you are going to work hard and it will hurt but you're unsure if you can really do it well. We have ridden our bikes and eaten ice cream, planned a party, and started a fundraiser. We haven't trained for our mile swim or triathlon but have promised each other we will while we are separated for the year. We have both stopped, mid-sentence and hugged each other. And, we have cried.

I am in such amazement at the courage my daughter has to go after something knowing it is the right thing to do but not really thinking about the millions of ways she could have talked her self out of it. It am warmed and encouraged at the true compassion in her soul that has driven her to understand that which has been misunderstood or completely unknown to our family and our society. I am in awe of the grace she has at such a young age to navigate the words spoken to her out of fear and general concern. And I am so grateful to spend my life with her learning from her and being the support system to buoy  her.

Her upcoming trip to Oman will be life changing, that is for certain. For her, for me, for our family, and for her future it is the right thing to do. Will it be easy? No way. Honestly, I am hoping to busy myself with my son, my husband, my schooling and working until the time she comes back from Oman. The thought of her coming off the plane back from Oman and the feeling of holding her in my arms again and smelling the top of her head like I did when she was a baby is what I am looking forward to most of all. The stories of understanding she will return with, the experiences she will have had, the triumph of having done something so large at such a young age, and the person she will be nine months from now is the vision that keeps me going during these summer days. I can't count the days, all I can do now is savor them.

Mother's Day

Every day that goes by is filled with utter sweetness. My little girl knows where she is headed next year. She knows more about what lies ahead and she is absolutely thrilled. Since my last post Caillean has learned the school she will attend this fall, we had our first webinar that talked about what to expect for the next few months both preparing to leave and actually traveling to Oman, her first Arabic books came in the mail, my daughter went to her prom, solo, and it's Mother's Day. It's sweet because she's still here, rattling around in the house, going out to sushi with the family, listening to her favorite new music, and talking almost nonstop about Oman.

I imagined this post would be full of more information. I have learned so much about Oman in the last few weeks. But for today, this post will only be full of one thing. Pride. I am so proud of my daughter for being brave enough to take this adventure on.  Her host family will be welcoming an incredibly caring, kind, thoughtful, bright, and fun girl into their lives. A huge vacuum will be left in our lives, but only temporarily. I can't wait to hear about her adventures and to listen to Arabic from her lips.

 More news is sure to follow but for tonight, I am going to head downstairs and into her messy room so I can listen to her chatter about whatever is of interest to her and kiss her goodnight. This time next year her room will be tidy but without her. I will be counting down the days to her return home in single digits. So for now, I will enjoy the sweetness of having my girl home.