The Libra in me post- it's all about balance.

Please, this is Caillean in Oman-Oman!

It's seems hard to believe in some ways and in other ways I am so happy to say it. It's been a month now that Caillean has been in Oman. What a difference a month makes. No longer are my days long and filled with warmth and sun, sand in my fingers, and my daughter by my side. No longer am I anticipating her departure, packing, worrying, and sad. The hardest thing that I have done to date (putting my baby on the plane and walking away) is over. Now I am trying hard to step back and enjoy the ride. It hasn't been easy as I miss her presence everyday but the tears have long dried up and been replaced with the stories of life in Oman and the sound of Arabic from her lips. There have been the typical difficulties that come along with being 15 and living far away from home. Learning to navigate school and friendships, being respectful yet still able to communicate clearly needs and wants, and the typical plight of the 15 year old- adult in so many ways but a child in so many other ways, are all challenges. Caillean is navigating it all with incredible grace. The hardest part is patience: patience to not know how to do it all, patience to develop relationships, and patience to not be a master of the situation.

I have to remember that at times as well. Patience is not my strong suit. I like to check things off my to do list, complete tasks before moving to the next, and generally feel in control. Having my daughter travel half way around the world was never on any of my to do lists. Caillean just dropped it on there 5 months ago. I was patient with the application process, and the interviews, but found my patience ran out once the letter of acceptance came in the mail. I had to learn a whole new way of living once we starting planning for Caillean's junior year of high school abroad. Patience can be hard but for me it has  the balance of being patience and also being active that has been the hardest to learn.  We still have to get done what needs to be done but in a time frame that is very different that parenting in the day to day. I don't know why it has been so hard. I have been practicing parenting for 15 years! When my children were little, the focus was really on the day to day. Has the child nursed 8-12 times today, has she slept through the night, was what she ate this week healthy and complete, did she learn to crawl, walk, use the potty, talk, say please and thank you, her letters, to read, to think for herself, to make healthy choices? Over time the focus changes and the vision becomes broader. My role as a parent changed and became less the role of the provider of the moment to moment needs and more of support and guidance for the big vision. I feel like I still have my training wheels on when it comes to the big picture. My husband on the other hand, seems to have taken the figurative road bike out and is riding circles around the island before looping back and finding me a few inches from where I started. He has been incredibly gifted at supporting our daughter from over 7000 miles away. Call after call he offers her just the right advise with the perfect balance of listening and direction. I must say I am just the smallest bit jealous of his ease with this role but really I am more flabbergasted at how he has found such ease in this new role. Caillean turns to him over and over again and together they work on a solution. I am more of the teddy bear in this relationship. I am familiar and warm and comforting but often feel like my head is full of stuffing. I haven't perfected this new role as mom of a older and wiser kid. I just hope that I can keep up- patience grasshopper.

 As you can see from Caillean's blog www.nantuckettooman.wordpress.com she has been experiencing some wonderful things. You can also tell from her new format and frequency of her posts this week that the wifi issue is working itself out. Her latest post goes on to tell us that learning Arabic is coming along nicely as well. Being able to read Cinderella isn't exactly fluent but not bad for only one month into it. I thought a month into this I would be checking the first month off my list and happy to watch the months tick off until her return. Maybe her return is  just too far off in the future to feel excited about it. I think  though it's more that I feel like she is just starting to hit her stride with living abroad. The pieces are coming together and the vision of what is coming in the months ahead is a little more clear. My ease at being a parent from so far away is becoming more familiar. I still feel like the I have my training wheels on but I am steady.  My role has shifted. I am the behind the scenes logistics, telecommunication navigator, preparation for college applications falls into my column, and still the teddy bear. However, the emptiness I initially felt when Caillean left is not as loud as it was. I have come to learn patience in action, the sound of Arabic, and how to be a parent of a child that is almost an adult and always an inspiring individual and humbling teacher to me. And that's only in the first month. Imagine what lies ahead.